guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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