Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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