Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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