he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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