I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
