so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
