I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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