The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
