ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
