so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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