I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
