I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
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Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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