how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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