Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
