just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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