Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
