You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
