Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
