they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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