yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
