I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
