there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
