Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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