I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
