Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also, beer. Big fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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