i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
