It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
