Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
