Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
