They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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