Sober January is a disaster.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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