Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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