So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
