woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
