the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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