Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
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so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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