i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
