It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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