question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
