You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
