it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
