The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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