I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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