He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hippo gnu deer
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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