drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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