Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
