So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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