I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
