from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
