OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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