Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
