I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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