Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
