Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
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id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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