If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
