would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
