I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
