Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
