you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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