Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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