if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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