I molested 6 butterflies tonight
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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