the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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