the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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