I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
