great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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