my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
