So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
