i just wanna soil my oats bro
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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