his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
