I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
