Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
