you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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