Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
