About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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